If there’s one thing I learned from my Social Media Detox it is that we all do a lot of comparison when it comes to looking at and scrolling through other people’s social media pages.
Thinking things like:
why does she have so many followers?
OMG look at that epic picture of her travels. I can’t travel like that, my pics are never going to be as good.
look at all those likes on her pic of a Starbucks cup and when I write something that I think is really powerful I only get 11 likes.
Maybe the thoughts are judgmental, maybe the thoughts are of jealousy - can those two maybe be coming from the same place?
Some of us, me for sure, so I’ll speak for myself and others going through a similar journey, when I find myself in a space of comparison I lose something within me. It’s like I’m no longer posting as me, I’m posting with the energy of someone who is jealous, who is angry, who is hurt because something else, is coming up in those moments, that doesn’t feel good.
I’m good Enough
I know for me, I have a story running around in my head saying that I’m not good enough. I’m not good enough to have people read my work, I’m not good enough to get paying clients, I’m not good enough to have a high powered job… and the list goes on.
When I receive negative feedback or criticism, I take it very personally. I just retook my Clifton Strengths Assessment and Empathy came up as my number 1 strength! I think it was my number1 or 2 when I took the strengths assessment the first time too, so I’m not really surprised. This made a lot of sense for me. I can feel so deeply. I get hurt so deeply. I can cry easily even tho I have so much fire in my natal chart. It is no wonder that when I get told that “I’m not good enough” by someone through a comment that’s more indirect than that, it hurts.
It is hard for me to let it go. I wonder how some people can just brush off and let things go so easily when I hold on - tight - to all the negative things that people say. For like days!!
What are some practices that you do to let go in general and if you’re more of an empath like me?
Here are some things I’m going to start making a priority:
Moving my body - I went to yoga this week and it felt really good and I didn’t think about work when I got home and was more energized for my hubs and I slept really well.
Sleep - I tend to go to bed REALLY early, think sometimes 8 PM but I shoot for before 10 PM.
Meditation - I’ve heard from my coach to do a meditation when you get home. As a coach and empath, I take on peoples energies and they need to get that energy back. Cutting cords or visualizing the energy transfer back to them and away from me will help protect my energy. sometimes I get home from work and I’m exhausted and my hubs wonders why I can’t be more present, I think this is the reason. I’m just so attune to peoples energy fields that when I’m interacting with a lot of people I just come home and crash.
Routine - is good for me. I like to do similar tasks in the morning and at night so that I don’t have to think about what I’m doing, I just do. Sometimes this can backfire if I do it on autopilot, not really focusing on what I’m doing but it makes doing easier at the times of the day when I don’t wanna do anything.
Take a break
When I start to get particularly triggered by a social media account, blog or person I try to take a break. If it is on social media, unfollow that person or if they’re a friend or family member and you feel like you can’t unfollow or unfriend them, then block their posts from showing up in your feed. That should be a relatively easy fix on both Facebook and IG.
Or, if you’re like me, sometimes you just need a total break from the social media thing. I took two months off of social media May & June 2019. The only time I got on Facebook was to do my monthly energy healing with a group that I’m part of and the only time I went on Pinterest was to show my hair stylist how purple I wanted my hair when we went to Italy and Greece. Besides that I was not on my phone.
I’m still trying to figure out what balance looks like for me when it comes to my social media/phone usage. I want to be fully present for my life but I also know that I have a good message to share the people need to hear. Breaks, even small mini day or week breaks, I think help provide us with clarity.
This also applies to work. For the last couple of weeks, I feel like I’ve been working non-stop. Not taking breaks throughout the day, not leaving my desk, not even taking a lunch! I eat my food, but I eat it at my desk while half working 🙄 This week, I’ve been really trying to make sure I at least take a lunch to unwind, check social media, read personal emails, do self-development work like the Strengths Assessment, that I love and am a coach for! So that I’m more aware and ready for the rest of the day.
I think sometimes it is okay to work through lunch, if you’re trying to avoid staying late after work.
Recognizing that everyone is going through stuff
The perfectionist in me struggles with this one a bit. I wanna be perfect so sometimes I’m expecting other people to be perfect too. This, I know, isn’t fair. There are always underlying problems or situations going on below the surface that people aren’t ready to chat about or show. They might be angry, projecting that everywhere, on social media and in real life.
Sometimes people just wanna be heard. They don’t need negative comments or suggestions. I’ve been practicing writing, “I hear you” or “I see you” or “you are loved” when commenting on tough stuff posts that people share within facebook groups. I’ve been judged on those groups before and after that, the group doesn’t seem like such a supportive place to be. Everyone has their own journey, their own path, their own remedies for what works for them and what they’re going through. If they wanna do something that we don’t agree with, let’s practice sending them love rather than writing what we would do. ESPECIALLY if they didn’t ask for suggestions.
Look Inside yourself
When people’s posts or comments really bother me, I know that’s because it is something that I REALLY need to hear. Something that is shaking me to my core. Something that I’ll eventually do or like to do even if rn I’m like hell to the no!
What are you learning from this? Maybe someday the activity or suggestion that this person made is going to be a way of life for you.
An example of this for me is driving with nothing on the radio, just silence. I started a Yoga Teacher Training years ago (I didn’t finish. Didn’t resonate with the teacher) a few of the teachers were talking about driving home in silence and just how peaceful that is. I was SO judgmental. Thinking things like: “these ladies are fucking crazy. That’s not peaceful or relaxing. I listen to music in the car. I would never do that.” well guess what…Now I LOVE silent car rides. That is where many inspirations for this blog and my social media posts come from.
Now I know, that when I have a STRONG reaction against something, that usually means it is something that’s going to be great for me in the future. That’s something that I’m going to come to love. Journaling is another one for me.
What are some things that you’ve had a strong reaction against, at first, and then you came to love?
Bringing it all together - When we start from this judgmental place, usually there’s more to the story. How can we move more toward love when we feel ourselves getting triggered by something someone else says or posts online? How can we be more love toward ourselves, realizing that we, too, are good enough, we too are worthy of love, acceptance and abundance.
Comment your best strategies below! I can’t wait to see them!
with love & hugs - Missy